Yay To New Wardrobe

I don't know, you decide. I say Neiman Marcus beats Target any day. Although I would not have worn those boots that that suit, but I imagine she doesn't listen to her stylist any more than she listens to her advisers.

You Know You're Going Down When......

- a black Democrat is kicking your ass in a financial showdown.
- the Maverick family wants you to stop besmirching their name.
- you adopt W's tactic of calling everyone a "terrorist".
- Louis Farrakhan thinks your opponent is the Messiah.
- the best thing to happen to your campaign is a Larry Flynt porn called "Nailin' Paylin"
- when Paris Hilton has an opinion about your campaign.

Fun Puns for Pundits

"Nailin' Paylin"

A Larry Flynt porn in production that is being fast tracked to be released before the election. No, for real.

Obama is the Bomb

Some might think so

Vote Obama Bomb Osama

Barack's foreign policy, the name confusion is just too bothersome

Barack The Vote

A lame T Shirt, people should come to me for better puns (see above)

"Ridin' Biden"

Another porn in production, not being fast tracked though

Once you go Barack, You can Never go back!

But it's so true!!!

Barack Don't Crack!

Sorry, had to do them, it's just too easy.

McCain Needs a Cane

No comment necessary

Palin is Ailin'

This could be good or bad

McCain is Insane

It's kind of like "Maverick"

Debate, Home Style

So the verdict is Obama won. I don't know if I was watching the same debate as everyone else but this is all I heard:

QUESTION: (It didn't matter what the question was really)

OBAMA: Blah blah blah blah blah. I didn't get you in this mess, McCain did.

MCCAIN: Blah blah blah blah blah. No I didn't, he did.

OBAMA: I just want to clarify one point, I didn't do it, he did.

MCCAIN: Let's just set the record straight, it wasn't me, it was him! I'm a reformer.

OBAMA: Here is a lesson in history, it was clearly HIM! He did it! He is a failure in a failed administration.

MCCAIN: You just don't understand.

OBAMA: Well, you were a cheerleader for the cheerleader. Take that!

MCCAIN: You're going to raise taxes.

OBAMA: No I'm not, you're going to raise taxes. I'm going to lower taxes.

MCCAIN: No I'm not. I'm raising taxes for only 20% of the people but 95% will get tax cuts.

OBAMA: That is incorrect. I am raising taxes for only 5% of people, but 100% will get cuts.

MCCAIN: No, you are wrong. Your plan sucks! Go ahead, tell people your secret.

OBAMA: What? That I nail Jello to the wall for pleasure?

Twenty minutes into it, things did change pace.

MCCAIN: Obama is a liar.

OBAMA: I know you are but what am I?

MCCAIN: You voted for goodies.

OBAMA: Yeah, well, your Straight Talk Express just lost a wheel on that one.

This goes on for another hour. But I think the pundits are right, Obama totally nailed it.

Sarah Palin in Shock After Revelation

Palin has a minor stroke when it hits her that she is going to have to give McCain blowjobs on a daily basis if this bullshit election goes their way. I mean, it shouldn't be that different than the blowjobs she has already given to his advisers, except of course his balls are way wrinklier. To quote Adam Sandler, "Hey! You just made the biggest mistake of your life, baby. I know you're gunna be missing me when you have that big, white, wrinkly body on you with his loose skin and old balls... gross! Ugh!" (Big Daddy).

Go Away Madonna, Just Go Away!!

Not only should Madonna stop making political statements boldly announcing "Sarah Palin can't come to my party. Sarah Palin can't come to my show. It's nothing personal." (as reported by The Superficial, my main news source). We all know what Palin's answer to that is, "You betcha!" Well you know what? I'm going off point here but Madonna should really stop having shows and should stop coming to my party, which is pretty much the entire media at large. GET OUT OF MY FACE HAGGY BITCH!! Look at this picture! Even the gay men are cringing. What the fuck is she wearing? Where can I get myself one of them bedazzled football shoulder pads? I am tired of her, not like I am sick of her antics (although I am) but I am literally tired from my cringe reflex being overworked every time I hear her name or see her scary ass bony sinewy body. Two words, RETIRE.

McCain is a Doughy Bastard

I bought a pack of ready made cookie dough from Nestle the other day but it sat in the car too long so by the time I brought it in, it was soft and gooey and wouldn't form properly into round cookie shapes. So I played with it a bit and was taken aback when McCain's face suddenly appeared in the dough. His face does resemble loose, watery dough! I do not wish him ill-health but the unstable and precarious skin on his face is why he burns and melts when he goes in the sun. There is way too much yeast in this batch. Maybe that's what attracted Cindy, he reminded her of fermenting beer slush.

The $700 Billion Bail Out Fuck Up

So if I understand correctly, our current financial cluster fuck is caused by Credit Default Swaps (CDS). Basically, this is a financial instrument that is unregulated and that is pretty much all you need to understand. Financial institutions are greedy fucks and they can't allow money to just sit around in "reserves" to be safe and not making more money. So guys with SPS (Small Penis Syndrome) decide that this is a good way to make money, and it was for a while. They sell CDS's which are like insurance policies against other financial instruments, except they don't have the money to back it up in the event that someone calls in their insurance. Well, guess what? Other financial instruments, like say, sub prime mortages, defaulted so it's time to pay up. What did I just say? Oh, right, they have no money to pay up. This is called over leveraging on a ginormous scale, similar to the scale they weigh galaxies with. Well, like they say, if it is too good to be true, it probably is. The other shoe drops and now we are here. And the US government's reaction is exactly like that of their parents, they go and wipe their asses. Except we are the toilet paper and our bank accounts is the flushing toilet.

Inside Sarah Palin's Brain

Just like Tina Fey's impressions, this is scarily and ridiculously too close for comfort. Come on now, are we seriously going to allow this person to be VP? She is a freaking nightmare for all women who claim that we have come a long way. She is the closeted male chauvinist pig's answer to the "progressive women". And why the fuck are all the fashion magazines celebrating her look? The uptight, backwards feminist up-do is one bobby pin away from being a convenient dragging handle for any man that decides he's had enough of her shit.

Thanks to PH33R and Loathing for making this fine chart.