McCain is a Doughy Bastard

I bought a pack of ready made cookie dough from Nestle the other day but it sat in the car too long so by the time I brought it in, it was soft and gooey and wouldn't form properly into round cookie shapes. So I played with it a bit and was taken aback when McCain's face suddenly appeared in the dough. His face does resemble loose, watery dough! I do not wish him ill-health but the unstable and precarious skin on his face is why he burns and melts when he goes in the sun. There is way too much yeast in this batch. Maybe that's what attracted Cindy, he reminded her of fermenting beer slush.

The $700 Billion Bail Out Fuck Up

So if I understand correctly, our current financial cluster fuck is caused by Credit Default Swaps (CDS). Basically, this is a financial instrument that is unregulated and that is pretty much all you need to understand. Financial institutions are greedy fucks and they can't allow money to just sit around in "reserves" to be safe and not making more money. So guys with SPS (Small Penis Syndrome) decide that this is a good way to make money, and it was for a while. They sell CDS's which are like insurance policies against other financial instruments, except they don't have the money to back it up in the event that someone calls in their insurance. Well, guess what? Other financial instruments, like say, sub prime mortages, defaulted so it's time to pay up. What did I just say? Oh, right, they have no money to pay up. This is called over leveraging on a ginormous scale, similar to the scale they weigh galaxies with. Well, like they say, if it is too good to be true, it probably is. The other shoe drops and now we are here. And the US government's reaction is exactly like that of their parents, they go and wipe their asses. Except we are the toilet paper and our bank accounts is the flushing toilet.

Inside Sarah Palin's Brain

Just like Tina Fey's impressions, this is scarily and ridiculously too close for comfort. Come on now, are we seriously going to allow this person to be VP? She is a freaking nightmare for all women who claim that we have come a long way. She is the closeted male chauvinist pig's answer to the "progressive women". And why the fuck are all the fashion magazines celebrating her look? The uptight, backwards feminist up-do is one bobby pin away from being a convenient dragging handle for any man that decides he's had enough of her shit.

Thanks to PH33R and Loathing for making this fine chart.